Life is lonely

I'm not quite sure when I wrote this but one thing is for sure, it was written at a time when my house was full of people. Mainly young people as my kids always had their friends over, especially Danny and Lianne, so it was very rare that I was on my own. I do remember feeling consumed by loneliness though and I always felt that sense that everyone was better off without me. No one would have guessed what was going on inside of me. I was a master of disguise! My smile covered it all. That darkness seemed to follow me around like that unwanted person who was always expecting something from you, and it became another thing to ignore in the hope that it went away.... I think this poem says it all.

Life is lonely

Life is lonely at the moment

Many hours spent alone

Staring at the same four walls

The only company I have, my own.

 

My only friends are pen and paper

The only way of reaching out

My head is full of mixed emotions

What is my life all about?

 

No one wants to know my heartache

That is bubbling deep inside my soul

Every tear filled with sorrow

I feel I’ve slowly lost control

 

My world is slipping through my fingers

Hope trickling down my hands

I’m being pulled towards my drain of failure

My fear is where I am going to land

 

My future is a long dark tunnel

Of which I can see no light

My whole being is getting weaker

No strength in me is left to fight

 

I long to reach eternity

So I can let go of my pain

To at last find peace from my darkness

And to get the chance to start again.