Things happen in our lives, and sometimes we don't know why. People come and people go. People stay for the duration and some people are just passing through. Sometimes the answer is revealed, but more often than not we are left in the dark, stunned. One thing I've discovered over the years is that there is always a reason. Whether good or bad, nothing happens on a whim, just by chance. It may take years to understand the relevance of their 'role' in our 'play' called 'life.' Sometimes we may never know, or even want to know for that matter, but I guess we can always learn something from our experiences or relationships that can bring us great 'reviews.' Anyway, this next poem stirred me up to write this blog. The man I told you about in my last blog, well, through a big misunderstanding (I should be honest and say big lie,) the flame of our relationship was extinguished rather quickly, and rather than speak to the man, I just believed what was said and I ran! And that was that! You see, I had been treated bad by men in the past so when this wonderful thing happened to me in Skiathos, I always believed it must be too good to be true, so when I was told he was with someone else, I automatically believed it. It went hand in hand with the belief system I had about myself. I wasn't worth anything, so of course, it made sense to me why he would quickly grab the chance of being with someone else. (Even though we spoke to each other near enough every day and he told me he loved me. Crazy right!) I must add in my defence your honour, as a family, we was going through a very hard time as we had just been made homeless, and my life had been completely turned upside down, so another thing to go wrong was expected in the end. I did find out months later that my source had been totally wrong, and I still to this day don't know how it happened, but the words were set in stone as far as I was concerned and my pride slammed that door well and truly shut! I guess somethings are not meant to be..... Maybe?
So this piece is what come out of my heart at that time. I never sent it to him, but it did make me feel better, well, all the time I was writing it, it did!
Laid to rest.
My head is full of you
I cannot get you out of my mind
I have got to let you go
But the words are hard to find.
Deep into my heart I go
That is the place where you live
There, that is where you are safe.
But my heart I have got to retrieve.
My heart belongs to me
You have no right to take it.
Rip it in shreds and tear it apart
The power of you cannot break it.
The power of me is stronger
To evict you from my sacred place
Give me back what is mine
Give me back my empty space.
The bars of my heart are no more
Open now to set you free
Fly my angel to where you belong
Away from what could be.
All that are left are memories
You touched my life and I was blessed
Now my darling the time has come
The strength you gave me has laid you to rest.