If you read my last two posts then you will know something very special happened to me. It was a
significant life changing event which altered the course of my life. I prayed a small prayer to Jesus, and something in my heart changed. Unbeknown to me, another life altering event was just around the corner and how I got through it, God only knows! On the 1st of February 2004, my son had an accident that would (9 days later) claim his life. He was 17 when he had the accident and spent his 18th birthday in a coma, and on the 9th I and other family members, had the awful task of being with him as he took his last breath as his life support was turned off. This happened just three months after I had spoken that prayer. There, my journey of survival began. I found it hard to express how I felt so I wrote my feelings down and out of that experience came quite a few poems. This is the first I'd like to share. The feelings are raw, and I find it hard to believe I was in that dark, dark place. It's taken me 20 years and I believe a lot of healing has been done, and this is why I am able to share my deepest thoughts and feelings. 99% of these poems have not been aired before, but like I said, it's the right time...
Danny my precious child.
I miss you so much, my heart bleeds.
I don’t know how much more I can take.
My heart is so full of pain.
I’m terrified that it will break.
Every moment of every day you are in my thoughts,
my entire body aches for you.
I’d do anything for you to walk through that door.
I am so helpless of what to do!
To see your face and hear you laugh,
Would restore my life again, making it worthwhile.
I long to bring you back to where you belong.
I’d walk a million miles just to see you smile.
My eyes are wide open, but I pray that I am asleep.
Lost in my darkness there is nothing to compare,
With this pain that is now my reality.
I want to wake up from this nightmare!
I am afraid to let my tears free,
It would be like letting you go.
Every tear representing a memory.
I don’t want to let them flow.
I am so proud to have been a part of your life,
And no matter what I do.
I will forever be your mum.
Daniel Liam, I will always love you!