Standing.

As I mentioned in my last post, I spent many hours at my son's graveside, and this next poem is inspired by one of those times...
As a family we had had our ups and downs. If you have followed me in my poetic journey, you will know the battle Danny had with drugs. It very nearly tore us apart, but I thank God I held on and Danny came through to the other side. After coming out from prison he knuckled down, determined to turn his life around. He was offered a job by our next door neighbour, and life at last was getting better. Tony, our next door neighbour saw something of himself in Danny and wanted to give him a helping hand. I will always be grateful for him giving Danny a chance. He had the utmost respect for Tony, and he was eternally grateful too by all accounts, and a little friendship blossomed between them. Danny would have only been working for him for a couple of months before, you know, that fateful day.
A few days after Danny passed away, I had a knock at the door, and there was Tony all teary eyed holding an envelope in his hand. I asked him in, but he declined thrusting the envelope into my hand. "We had a whip round at work...I've got to go" he said rather quickly. I watched him leave and I could sense the heartache in his voice. I came indoors. My mum, daughter and son just looked at me then looked at the envelope in my hand. I explained who the mystery caller was, and began to open the flap. I tipped it up and out fell a load of money. Twenty pound notes. Ten pound notes, fivers and some change. There was just over £400 there. We all laughed but tears were streaming down our cheeks. Unbeknown to Tony, he had knocked just as we were in the middle of a conversation. We were talking about how on earth we were going to afford the flowers for the funeral. We was all skint you see. But Now, due to the generosity of all the staff of the company Danny worked for, we didn't have to worry about that detail. You don't know what a big weight off my mind that was! And moments before that tap on the door my mum said this..."Oh Lord, why can't money just fall onto our laps." It was a very flippant prayer, but a prayer none the less. So God can answer prayers and instantly sometimes... Well, he did for me and that was just one of many...

Please read my next poem 'Standing.'

Standing.

 

I’m standing here staring at your place of rest.

Looking at your picture, it’s one of your best.

This time last year I would never have guessed,

That I would be standing where we laid you to rest.

 

This time last year my heart, it was mended.

Fused back together from when you broke it, I hope you’re not offended.

But you know the pain that I had to contend with.

But that does not matter because our love, it was mended.

 

A strange feeling of what is meant to be,

A familiar sense flows through my whole body.

The birds are singing aiming to comfort me.

It is almost as if this was meant to be.

 

The sound of the trees, they whisper my name.

Welcoming me, telling me that I am not to blame.

Reminding me my life will never be the same.

The only thing that hasn’t changed is the sound of my name.

 

Am I going mad, full of my grief!

The pain that I feel is beyond my belief.

Tears burn my eyes, I am gritting my teeth,

As I turn to run away from my enemy, grief.

 

My tears begin to form, I can’t bear to let them go.

I am trying my hardest to not let them flow.

My hurt is escaping too, I don’t want it to show.

Then I will be empty If I have to let you go.

 

My heart beats one thing, and that is pain.

Every second you are gone, I have nothing to gain.

I know that it goes against the grain.

But Danny, I cannot wait to see you again!